News and Events:
January 2010 - News & Events moved over to Facebook Page
Well, we had an upgrade to the SheepPooPaper™ website and in the course of that upgrade in 2009 found that we needed extra techie skills like FTP protocols etc to make amendments to the News & Events page . . . we're not completely witless, but we just couldn't get the hang of it - a bridge too far as they say . . . meanwhile some chaps in the USA had devised a new online database where anyone and everyone can update information without any special need to understand FTP clients and protocols and transistors and semi-conductors - yes, Facebook has come to the rescue and so now every time we stub our toes or make a cup of tea we can easily let the world know :-)
We are of course not going to let those Facebook charlies get away with the fact that they patently stole our idea - Fleecebook was everything that Facebook was and more - ok, we had restricted the membership to only people studying at agriculture colleges in Carmarthen (city of lights) but this wasn't an oversight, no, it was a deliberate baiting of the social hook . . . who, we mused, wouldn't want to edge closer to this lean group of movers and shearers?
Anyway, this is the LAST UPDATE here on the site News & Events page we can't work anymore - from now on come and hear our every fluttering thought at SheepPooPaper™ Facebook Page
July 2009 - The Poo Floats! But can we float a 5.5 metre poo all the way to France? Sacre Bleu!!
The long search for an environmentally friendly resin complete, Lez has spent the last few months applying three layers of Sheep Poo Paper™ to the frame of The Poo Canoe using a flour and water glue, before finishing off the interior of the cockpit with a layer if beeswax (kindly donated by www.BritishWax.com) and then a finishing coat of Envirez™, a nautical grade resin made from soya beans . . . as yet untested in the UK . . . As Lawrence and Lez gingerly stepped into The Poo Canoe for its first water test at Bala Water Sports on Llyn Tegid on Tuesday this month, it occurred to them both that they might have been wiser to have assembled a deep water rescue team rather than a cameraman from Reuters. Paddling the world’s first craft made from poo out into the deep water in a couple of sweeping loops to test its speed, balance and manoeuvrability they were delighted on all three counts, and spirits were high.
However, on inspecting the hull for any leaks they were dismayed to find a large wet patch underneath the resin coating – it seems a small constellation of pinholes in this layer had allowed water in – and as the boat beneath the resin relies completely on being bone dry for its strength, where the water has seeped in the skin was as strong as, er, well, as strong as three sheets of soggy paper, and on the point of catastrophic failure . . . The Poo Canoe has been returned to the workshop for a thorough dry-out and some more Envirez™.
Confident that The Poo Canoe can be rapidly returned to full seaworthiness in short order however, the boys are today announcing their intention to attempt a channel crossing in aid of the Wales Air Ambulance. They will set the date for this intrepid channel crossing as soon as the sponsorship target is met – this target is to raise 1 penny for every ten sheep in Wales, and with the current estimate at 11,978,590 the sponsorship target is set at £11,978.59 . . . (corporate sponsors wanting to help with the cost of the pilot boat across the channel will also be very welcome!). You can sponsor the boys by going to www.JustGiving.com/The-Poo-Canoe here
June 2009 - Student gets Masters of Law degree for "Crap Essays"
Having been an EIPIN scholar at the Intellectual Property Research Institute (QMUL) where he passed his special papers for the CIPA and ITMA foundation exams, Lawrence was delighted to be offered another scholarship to study on the prestigious course leading to the award of Masters of Law (LLM) in Industrial and Intellectual Property at the University of Glamorgan which trains the examiners at the UK Intellectual Property Office in Newport. Lawrence studied on the year long course full time whilst still working full time at Creative Paper Wales, so it is particularly pleasing that we can now announce that for his efforts he has received a Merit Pass for this degree . . . and what has us smiling most decidedly broadly is that, of course, Lawrence handed in all his course essays on Sheep Poo Paper™, including his 20,000 word dissertation on Trademarks in the European context . . . It may be an appalling set of puns, but we don't care, it certainly means that the trademarks of Creative Paper Wales and other aspects of the intellectual property assets of the business are in very safe hands - Well done Lawrence, just like our Rose Fragranced Poo Pourri™ it would seem that you have definitely won a great degree for a 'crap dissertation' and on your graduation later this month we think that your poo will definitely smell of roses!
April 2009 - The Poo Canoe is headed for France, er, when its been covered . . .
We have a plan - as everyone knows, one of the key features of poo is that it floats. Well, we're counting on it because we are intending to cover the frame you see above with Sheep Poo Paper™ and paddle it to France - you, the viewing public will reward this patently lunatic ambition with meaningful sponsorship come the time, which monies will be diverted to the Wales Air Ambulance, who as everyone knows are the first to help you when you're up poo creek without a paddle . . .
So what's holding us up? Well, we're on the hunt for a really good waterproof resin to coat the paper skin - and we want it to be as natural and environmentally friendly as possible. Oh, and we're still training up to the point where we can swim 11 miles in cold water in case we sink at the half way point.
August 2008 - Its official, our poo really does smell of roses
We couldn't resist. You know what we're like. You could probably get us to set fire to our own trousers if there was a good laugh to be had in it somewhere . . . so after all the praise and awards that have been Heaped Upon Us, we decided it was time to add some substance to a phrase we often hear . . . with the launch of our special edition of Rose fragranced Poo-Pourri™we can now proudly boast that we are the only company on earth (and possibly in the know-able universe) whose poo literally smells of roses. Think we wouldn't dare turn this metaphor into a reality? Want to report us to the metaphor police? You can find the evidence you need at this link - go ahead, report us . . .
June 2008 - At last . . . Sheep Poo Paper™ Gift Wrap hits the shops
We know its taken ages to arrive, but we know you still love us despite that, so we're delighted to introduce our entirely marverful and sheepilicious new product to you - available exclusively through our retail partners this is the most environmentally friendly way to wrap any present, and if it's a Gift from Wales, it's simply not dressed without Sheep Poo Paper™ Gift Wrap ! At 50cm x 70cm each sheet is enough to wrap 1 enormous gift (like a cuddly dragon won at a Welsh hoopla stand) 2-3 medium sized gifts (say, Fudge made by Mrs Jones from Llareggub) 5-6 smallish gifts (what exactly does it tell someone when you buy them a lovespoon from Wales the size of a teaspoon?) or approximately 40,000 Welsh diamonds the size of a grain of sand from that street trader in Porthcawl with the slightly tatty training shoes.
Want some? Of course you do. If you have a shop near you that looks like it might stock the poo-iest gift wrap available anywhere in the world, just contact us and tell us who they are . . . we'll get in touch with them and explain the simple Sheeponomics ™ of stocking the UK's most poo-pular products. And if they say yes, we will name a lamb after you.
Yes we will.
May 2008 - Psychic Selling . . ?
This is the strangest news item we’ve ever added – it could in fact be the most unusual thing that has ever happened to us here at Creative Paper Wales . . . The date is Wednesday May 14th 2008, and after giving a talk in Caernarfon Lawrence heads out down the A5 to Shrewsbury to visit some retail partners down that way. Eventually at about 2.30-3.00pm he pulls into the Llovely Llittle town of Llangollen, where he thinks to himself, “What a lovely town, we could do with a retail partner here . . .”, whilst waiting at the traffic lights in the middle of the town. With the clock against him to get down to South Wales for the evening he decides to store that thought and research suitable stockists the next day. It is worth pointing out that he had never been to Llangollen before, and had spoken to no-one in the town or about the town since Creative Paper Wales was founded in September 2006.
The next morning at 9.15am the phone rings and Lawrence is pleased to be discussing Sheep Poo Paper™ with a prospective new retail partner, Ian . . . Ian says he’s known about Sheep Poo Paper™ for a long while, and had kept meaning to call and ask for wholesale information but had the urge the day before to follow this up. When Lawrence asks where Ian’s shop (www.karian.co.uk) is located he says . . . yes . . . Llangollen!
Lawrence explains that he was at the traffic lights in town only the day before in the mid afternoon, thinking that a retail partner would be a good idea – Ian is amazed – he has had the thought to contact Creative Paper Wales at the same time Lawrence is sitting at the lights not more than 20 yards from his shop! If this new sales method works we are going to suspend Lawrence from a balloon and have him drift over central London – perhaps the Harrods buyer will reconsider stocking us for a reason he can’t quite put his finger on?
Any psychic researchers who wish to strap Lawrence to dangerous home made equipment and poke him with needles and so forth can get in touch, we’re sure he’ll be okay with that . . .
Anyone wanting to stock Sheep Poo Paper™'s multiple award winning range of products can also contact us for a wholesale catalogue and some great testimonials. Please do tell us if you have experienced an unusual feeling of psychic compulsion to contact us though as all such information may be useful in persuading Lawrence to leave the pub where he is spending long hours trying to induce strangers to buy him drinks by use of silent willpower transference.
April 2008 - The phrase “The Devil’s Play-Dough” is heard for the first time on UK TV - BBC1’s The One Show
If you want to see this historic TV moment but missed The One Show, its playing over and over and over again on BBCi Player – click here to watch – we’re about 8 mins 50 seconds in . . . UPDATE - the BBCi Player only runs for a week because (the Beeb tells us) of issues to do with the licensing . . . so if you missed it, why not write to the BBC and ask them to spend a bit of your license fee on making it possible for you to watch the programmes they used your money to make . . .
March 2008 - Founder survives car wreck – oh yes he did
This month Lawrence lost control of his car around a slippery corner near Builth Wells, swerved, rolled AND hit a tree. He’s okay – and don’t worry, so’s the tree – when quizzed about his complete lack of injuries the paramedics said
“ A man with a sense of purpose this strong is virtually impervious to the minor ministrations of the physical world.”
Indeed, indeed, indeedy . . .
September 2007 - Its our Paper Anniversary after a poo-fect year!
Its been a whole year of offbeat papery-poopery and we’ve finally arrived at our ‘paper anniversary’. We did promise a big boozy party for all our supporters, but the venue we chose just got an ASBO for playing music too loud . . . apparently a lady on the other side of the valley is in the audio focal point created by the old quarry behind and she can hear you sneeze, much less strum a guitar . . . and, truthfully, we daren’t take a day off at the moment because the world has gone Sheep Poo Paper™ crazy and we don’t want to let them down – so, mark our words, sometime in 2008 we will have a weekend camping party with music and dancing for all of our loyal supporters, funders and friends. It will be nothing short of The Great Welsh Sheeptacular 2008 – so as 2008 ticks by start preparing for the Woolliest Party Ever Held in Wales.
For our North American cousins, an ASBO is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order, which, despite its name actually is an order to behave Pro-socially, but that's the crazy backwards way we like to here language use the UK in.
August 2007 - Griff Rees Jones collects poo in a white paper suit
Now, call us evil if you must, but we think you’re only saying that because mischievous is a harder word to spell . . . The BBC1 Mountain programme, with the seemingly tv-ubiquitous Griff Rees Jones came to Twll Golau to film a piece on our poo-rocess and poo-litics . . . and we told Griff that he would have to wear a white paper suit when collecting so as not to ‘frighten the sheep’ . . . testament to the quality of our deadpan delivery, Griff and Lez wandered off to the horizon carrying buckets dressed like suspects in a forensically challenging investigation.
Oh dear – if you think we went too far in trying to remind Griff of his comic roots do please send us an admonishing email. We will count them all and let you know how many complaints we had in a year’s time.
August 2007 - Oxford University hosts talk on Sheep Poo Paper™, and has NO CUTLERY STOLEN
Lawrence gave a talk on the thinking behind Sheep Poo Paper™ at the annual IAPMA conference (International Association of Paper Makers and Artists), held 1st August 07 at Wadham College, Oxford. And no, he wasn’t even slightly tempted to steal their very posh crested cutlery despite the fact that it was clearly the only time he would ever be allowed past the porters into Chariots-of-Fire-World . . . after all, Wadham’s not exactly a famous college, and its easier to pinch teaspoons from Merthyr College . . .
July 2007 - From humble beginnings . . .
Well, we’ve hit a landmark here at Sheep Poo Paper™ - not only are we in serious danger of running out of the sheep poo we need within walking distance of the papermill, but as of this month we have now 100 retail partners across the UK and abroad. Yes – Sheep Poo Paper™ is now even available to the discerning shoppers of downtown Manhattan!
It’s a poo-fect plan, poo-fectly executed! If you would like to become a retail partner for the poo-pular Sheep Poo Paper™ product range – why not contact us and ask for our wholesale catalogue and some hilarious (and of course glowing!) testimonials from our other retail partners, who are now, quite literally, selling the poo faster than the dear sheep can supply it – and no, we have no intention of squeezing them to increase production.
June 2007 - Sheep Poo Paper™ menus for Gordon Ramsay’s Claridges restaurant
We were delighted this month to feature on Gordon Ramsay’s f-Word, making paper with him and his delightful family out of the actual poo they had collected from the two cheekily named sheep, Gavin and Charlotte. In case you missed it there’s an embarrassing clip on Youtube somewhere . . . and no, we’re not giving the link, because we’re hoping you wont be bothered to find it and roll in the aisles at the pompous and plummy way Lawrence manages to pronounce “pathogens” . . !
Okay, you can find it anyway - click here
May 2007 - NASA planning a mission to Merthyr?
This month Creative Paper Wales were delighted to discover that up against some stiff competition from the likes of NASA we were voted “Best in Category” by the world’s largest materials ‘library’ – Material Connexion® in New York – We are given to wondering if NASA are planning a Mission to Merthyr to harvest some of our secrets?
[Sheep Poo Paper™, handcrafted paper made from sheep droppings, received Material ConneXion®'s "Best in Category" for natural materials during a recent jury session. Each month Material ConneXion presents new innovative materials to a jury of professionals who decide which materials to include in their materials library collection. A multidisciplinary jury of eight senior professionals reviewed over 40 materials on merits of technology, innovation, and sustainability. Some of the other materials assessed included an ultra lightweight nanotechnology insulation using a material developed at NASA and a flexible impact-absorbing textile. The jurors were unanimous in their decision to award Sheep Poo Paper™ "Best in Category" of all the natural materials evaluated. According to jury moderator, Andrew H. Dent, PhD, Vice President, Library & Materials Research for Material ConneXion, the jurors remarked on Sheep Poo Paper's "surprisingly lack of odor", "adaptive use of waste materials", and "unique idea".]
April 2007 - Talking Poo, er . . . in Parliament!
Well, it’s a long way to London from Aberllefenni, in almost every way imaginable, but Lawrence was asked to speak at the Parliamentary Estate in Westminster on 23rd April, and not liking to appear too anti-establishment agreed to do the talk and show how to make Sheep Poo Paper™ in a live papermaking demo.
Unfortunately, the papermaking equipment was stolen from his car in a service station on the way there, so the poor attendees to the talk had to sit in a warm room, after lunch, while he quite literally talked poo for 2 hours. We are still not sure how excited the suitcase thief was with the contents – 3 frames, a washing up bowl and a healthy quantity of pulped ovine dung . . . oh well, you win some and lose some in the robbery game, eh?
March 2007 - Creative Paper Wales single handedly end Sheepartheid™
With the launch of our new Black Sheepy card to compliment the Original Sheepy card we hereby announce the end of Sheepartheid™. And, just to be clear, we can do any colour we want, except puce, which is a crime against the visible spectrum. Yes, we are Pucists, and no, whatever Nietzsche’s sister says, we still love everyone, even the puce – possibly even more
Jan 2007 - The Great Egg and Spoon Race (Lie) – Telegraph Newspaper
Interviewed by the Telegraph Newspaper about the Yahoo! Ethical Website of the Year Award, Lawrence is elated, and explains that the last thing he can remember winning was an egg and spoon race at junior school. Okay, sorry, time to ‘fess up' . . . Lawrence never won any egg and spoon race, as his school contemporaries will well remember – he didn’t even qualify for the heats of the Egg race, much less ever get trusted with a spoon. So, read this article with some healthy dose of skepticism.
January 2007 - Yahoo!'s Ethical Website of the Year 2006 -
"Who?" . . . "Yahoo!",
"Who . .?!?!"
"I . . . Said . . . YAHOO!"
"Oh, them. Well done"
Yes, the judges and the great and wise citizens of the UK and Ireland have voted - and they voted for poo. We are officially the most ethical website of 2006 , and skated in a close second in the People's Choice vote.
We did complain, being the gracious winners that we are, that it was the stingiest award we'd ever won, as they didn't buy us a drink, or send us a hefty trophy for the display cabinet . . . their PR people panicked when we said we'd go public with this booze and gong deficit and sent us a bottle of bubbly and a trophy too big to fit through the door - well done Yahoo!
January 2007 - It's Poo . . . yes . . . it's Pourri . . .yes, ladies and gentlemen, its Poo Pourri™, yes, I said YES
Being the first in the world to do something is an amazing feeling - climb Everest naked, Swim the Appian Way and steal the Pope's dentures, Kiss a Penguin, Vote Tory in Wales, Write an Honest CV . . .
[for our North American cousins, a CV is like a resume, giving details of past employment etc. it stands for "curriculum vitae" which is latin and as every Brit learns in junior school, means . . . er, "resume"]
Yes - its an exclusive club being a first-mover, a club the paper monkeys at Creative Paper Wales have joined like a co-dependent limpet . . .
We think the world needed some environmental naughtiness in the heart of our collective environmental guilt . . . the motor car. So we bring you the World's First Air Freshener Made From Poo . . . make the world a better (smelling) place with Sheep Poo Paper™ and our Poo Pourri™
And yes - although our current range only has Daffodil and Fresh Cut Grass fragrances we will certainly one day soon do a limited edition Rose Fragranced version - because you've asked and asked and asked, yes, but also because we want to be able to say that our Sh*t smells like Roses.
December 2006 - British Retail Consortium finds its conscience - Well Done Chaps!
I know we were mean about the BRC - well, they weren't exactly quick about offering to honour the vouchers from the ripped-off Farepak customers - but, they've come through. Now you can take your UnFairPak vouchers that you've saved for all year, and redeem them in the promised stores . . .
We really ought to start an appeal for the retail bigwigs who as a result of honouring the vouchers they partnered up with Farepak wont have enough money this year to acquire another mistress and send her kids to private school . . . but Sheepy says no . . .
October 2006 - Creative Paper Wales shows the British Retail Consortium where their conscience is . . . hiding underneath the sofa.
Farepak is a UK company. It is governed by UK laws. It deals in happiness . . . it helps people on low incomes to use their existing social networks (friends, family etc.) to put some money aside each week for Christmas.
Now - we're not Christians (although one of us has a vicar's wife as a Good Friend) - we think Christmas is a commercial wart - useful to have a good scaly one on each finger if you're a rock climber – but that aside we still think that the social cohesion effect of the festival in the UK, combined with its emphasis on giving, is a generally good thing.
Farepak has used the edges of UK company law to 'launder debts' inside a large corporate structure, and kept sending out weekly collectors to their low income 'customers' . . . The company folds and there is No Christmas for thousands of UK families.
Be clear - we were also confused when Bob Dylan chose 'mortgages of mid-west farmers' for his first politicised protest since Vietnam, but we were simply not prepared to do nothing while the Big Companies likewise did nothing . . . so we launched a new range of Sheep Poo Paper™ Christmas Cards and offered 10% of our revenue to the support fund.
Yes, there were more needy people. Yes, they made a bad purchasing decision. Yes, we had some publicity.
But, we wanted to help - and it was our money - pretty much all our profits for that 2 month period. And we hope it saved one person's optimism about human nature, even if it wasn't anywhere near enough to buy 15,000 Barbie Dolls, 478 bicycles, 231 Doll Houses, 15 Spider Man Suits and a tangerine . . .
I know Thatcher is old, but has anyone, from either side of the left/right political debate ever forgiven her for saying that there was "no such thing as society" . ? Darling girl, don't be silly, its not an airy-fairy concept dreamed up in a sociology department, its simply a conglomeration of people who care collectively about what happens to others.
The "Ferrite Female" looking like she wants to know
where you are hiding communists so she can make pies out of them
September 06 - Twll Golau – The "Light at the end of the Tunnel"
Well, we’ve found a name for the new papermill – or rather, the name seems to have found us. We are sited in an old slate quarry, and the mountain behind us is full of huge mining holes. One of them has a rather enigmatic name in Welsh, “Twll Golau” – or “Hole of Light” – this is because, we josh you not, if you stare into the infinite blackness of this hole at the right time of year, you see the most remarkable thing – a tiny crack in the whole mountain allows a clear blade of sunlight to strike right at the very end of the dark tunnel. Yes – we have found the actual real physical manifestation of the light at the end of the tunnel, so from now on, all mail should be addressed to Twll Golau Papermill, Aberllefenni, Machynlleth, SY20 9RU. The universe doesn’t send many signs – best to keep your eyes open!
August 2006 - Sheep Poo Paper™ wins Millennium Award for . . . well . . . something they don't really understand . . .
UnLtd* support social entrepreneurs people who want to make a difference to the communities they live in people with a Big Idea. When we explained to them that we wanted to show everyone in the UK that off-the-wall imaginative thinking could make a success in the new 'Ideas Economy' even against the tide of job losses in the manufacturing sector (without having doctorates in rocket science!) they were very interested and asked to hear more. When we then told them that we were also going to set up a zero-pollution manufacturing operation to illustrate this point they really sat up and listened. When we said we were going to make paper out of sheep poo they gave us a Millennium Award.
We've asked, but they still can't tell us what a 'social entrepreneur' is, or indeed is we 'are one' . . . surely you have to fall one side of the line or the other don't you? Money or People, People or Money. Anyway, they gave us enough cash to get off the ground, so yes, they can have cheap Christmas Cards . . .
Don't they know we're really Baaaaa-d people??
May 2006 - Top Welsh entertainer Max Boyce snubs Sheep Poo Paper™
Following an approach to Max Boyce’s agent asking if we could give him a gift of a Sheep Poo Paper™ letter writing set and take his photo Creative Paper Wales were shocked to receive a polite and frank refusal. We are, of course, devastated at this refusal, as we bought all his albums and he’s one of our personal heroes.
Click here to Purchase some of his music!
‘Lord Boyce of Glynneath’ meeting other royals and NOT endorsing Sheep Poo Paper™